becoming leela.

your smile haunts me wherever I go I dream of being your servant fire eyed one my guardian angel my everything I no longer want to be mine take me, lord.

my story is no longer mine it belongs to an ocean of stars unending, no beginning a stream of now and then happening all at once there's a party upstairs on the terrace overlooking the moon the sky is churning like the belly of god we're marble dwellers blue and green waiting for the eternal night

Baba, take my work to the forefront I want my magic pen to churn in money so I can stay healthy build a beautiful home where I sit in thoughts of You prayers of Your divine Mother and go to rest in the arms of my husband please Baba show me the way give me a sign and I won't step till I pick up all those you meant for me.

I call my days alchemy a renewal a falling away of old pieces. I know Your face as a sight that causes stupor a roaring silence fills my throat. There's a mighty shift I'm disappearing all the time now like a fire I burn and end and emerge all at once.

leave my mild mannered father alone he might smile through his discomfort but I don't.

what will be made of me a recluse  or a brimming pot of ecstasy or everything nothing.

the ego is water in sacred milk my old ways find a way to bashfully demand a seat at the table I freefall into all that is You I don't need anything that is without,

In this plane, words have no bearing you close my lips in silence I'm a writer, what am I without my words lord of the entire universe and its order pervade all my words live in the void  of all that I don't say I see that everything I say is steeped in a need to be perceived as special as better I see that I fill your holy space with running words I'm tired of carrying the burden of my ego The kindest of them all I wish for one thing and act under the influence of the anti-god doing things that directly remove me from greatness my water is polluted it causes disease save me save me